A thought, A shadow
by Silk's Shadow
Summary: He was helpless without her and sometimes he needed to fall into his shameless fantasies. Hook before and after 3x21 and 3x22. Captain Swan.


**Author Note** : **English is not my first language.** I usually write fanfictions in French but I saw every ouat episodes in English and I wanted to try something in this language. So…uh…yep. I hope you will like it. (And sorry for my English)

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**A thought, A shadow**

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Blue eyes were fixed on the ceiling. Striking blue eyes filled with shadows and sadness. Killian was alone tonight, drowning in hopes and regrets.

Why? Because he loved her.

He did. He really did. He loved her with all his heart. All his soul. His mind and body were aching for her, screaming for her to get closer…closer to him. Closer to whatever could exist between them.

But she wouldn't take that chance.

Killian sighed as, lying on his bed at Granny's, he replayed the day's events in his mind.

He could still hear the words that escaped her mouth when Zelena confronted her about her feelings for him. It hurt him more than he could admit.

_"The next time you try to take my powers why don't you try enchanting the lips of someone I will actually kiss? "_

Yes, it hurt.

And what hurt even more was the look she'd had on her face. That cold expression he was unable to read. She had appeared open with her feelings toward the kiss that had followed.

She didn't want him.

Or did she?

She was so hard to understand. A complete mystery. A riddle he had yet to solve. But he couldn't let her go. He needed her to care for him, to show him that she cared.

And she did! He was sure of it.

She had given up her magic to save him, to allow him to live. But did she care enough to let him in? To let him go past those barriers she had created around herself?

She was scared. Killian understood that. But she couldn't keep running forever.

She had already lost her magic for him. Mostly because they hadn't been able to be open to each other. Would all of this had happened if they had been together?

Has this thought occurred to her? Could they even have a future together? The present was already so uncertain.

Killian could still remember the pain in his lungs as he was drowning, the excruciating feeling and the impression of losing himself. But he was alive. Thanks to her. Thanks to those soft but firm lips. Her kisses were like magic. He couldn't get enough of it. He couldn't get enough of her.

His eyelids flickered above his eyes.

The day was coming to an end. Through the room's window the sky was turning red, turning grey clouds into fearing shadows. Dark was coming, filled with secrets and wonders. What would the night bring? Fear? Mysteries? Or just the peace everyone needed after a day like this? Nothing could have been more uncertain.

What terrors would they have to fight the next day? He didn't want to think about it. He needed to find a way to escape all of this just for a few minutes. He felt trapped, helpless. And he needed her. Badly.

He needed to see her beautiful face, those wonderful eyes, this stare which always made him flinch. He wanted to stroke those lips, kissing and biting until Emma would be writhing under him, moaning for him to take her, at his complete mercy.

Killian moaned quietly.

Yes. Yes it would be perfect.

His hand grasped the air helplessly as he imagined how it would feel to be able to stroke those luscious golden locks. Would she be returning the favor? Would she kiss him as if there was no tomorrow? Would she welcome him in her bed?

The pirate's mind was already filled with numerous scenarios including them together and alone rolling in cold sheets with only the stars to guide their passion. He longed for her…for her body…for her quiet and desperate moans.

"Emma…"

His heart was beating faster and faster as his mind played those unique fantasies. He was falling quickly into this usual pattern that would leave him lost and helpless, burning with desire.

His hand closed around the bed sheet, his body burning.

He couldn't get enough.

His hook stroked the leather fabric which covered his legs. He didn't want to fall again into desire and desperation but it was too hard to resist.

The cold metal soon enough brushed the evidence of his abandon and Hook couldn't hold back a shaky groan.

It would be awkward and messy and he was angry at himself for behaving just like any hormonal teenager. But she was driving him crazy and he couldn't think of another way to get rid of this particular despair.

He exhaled a loud moan.

Yes. Yes he needed that. Badly.

He quickly divested himself of this vest and shirt. It was as if the room's temperature has suddenly increased. It was however cool air and cold sheets that welcomed him as he lied on the bed. But now, half-naked, he just wanted even more to lose himself into a lifeless passion. His chest rose and fell far too quickly as he undid his belt with trembling hands.

This was what Emma made him become. A quivering mess. A helpless idiot. But he couldn't care less at the moment.

He needed this.

He needed her….even if she wouldn't let him in.

"Fuck!"

His hook grasped firmly his trousers' material as he pulled them down. His desire was already freed from the fabric and a hand that was intended to be calm and steady was soon enough rising and falling in a messy pattern.

His eyes were closed as waves of pleasure rolled through his body.

It was good…Too good…And even better as he imagined Emma relieving him in this exact way.

"Swan…"

Drops of sweat lingered on his forehead before falling down his lips and throat. His hand tightened on himself and he could almost see and feel a completely different room and a certain gorgeous woman lying over him.

His hips rose helplessly as he saw himself inside her, making her moan and shake with his mouth and fingers. His hook would draw loving roads on her soft skin, marking her as his. He would make her swear to stay with him, to love him until the end. And she would agree without a second thought before falling into his arms.

His mind was messy and disconnected as the pleasure took the last of his coherent thoughts. He was close…too close to stop now.

He couldn't hold back a sudden moan as he fell over the edge. A last spasm echoed through him and he let go of a simple groan, emptying himself in his hand.

He muttered a few curses under his breath as he quickly cleaned the mess on his chest and fingers. He was angry as himself. Once again he had succumbed to the mere thought of her…of what could be.

But he was too exhausted to care about it for long. She was his undoing. She would always be. And he would follow her into whatever stupid and dangerous quest. Because he loved her.

He leaned back on the bed, his breathing slow but shaking. He just wanted to forget all of this and finally welcome the light. But a presence stayed in the back of his mind.

A thought.

A shadow.

Her.

"Bloody hell, Swan! You'll be the death of me!"

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The day was coming to an end. The sun was long gone in the dark sky. And the small room was only lit by the shivering city lights coming from outside. But unlike the day before there were no shadows in the sky. The stars were bright, drawing mystical shapes on the never-ending vault. The night was clear. Clear enough to wander outside without fearing the darkness but it was inside this special place that two people were celebrating their reunion or rather their long awaited union.

Hook moaned as shaking hands roamed against his chest, taking in his strong and well defined form. He was breathless, open to every caress, every kiss coming from the wonderful woman lying under him. His hair was ruffled, his lips red and damaged from too many kisses.

But he couldn't care less. He wouldn't think of the consequences of this. He would care tomorrow. Or he wouldn't. The only thing that mattered was her skin against his, his lips on her and his name escaping from her as they moved in perfect synchronization.

He couldn't get enough of her. Even now, inside of her and bringing her slowly to her undoing, he still tried to grasp whatever thought still linked him to reality. He was lost. Lost to in what seemed to be a beautiful but cruel dream. What if he suddenly woke up? What if everything only happened in his mind? Would he be able to endure another day without her? So close but unreachable…

But here she was kissing him, welcoming his thrusts, begging him for more. And he was happy to oblige.

Her golden locked were spread on the mattress just like a precious material coming from an exotic country. She was like a jewel, a special treasure that he intended to keep to himself.

She had never looked more beautiful than in this moment, lying in is bed, looking at him with desire and trust. She trusted him. She trusted him enough to finally open to him and allow him to come closer than ever…closer than he could have imagined.

"Killian, please!"

His name. His real name. The joy of hearing those two syllables on her lips was almost too hard to bear. He wanted to cry. He wanted to laugh. His heart was beating madly in his chest, bursting with content and love.

"I'm close…"

And she was. He could feel it in the way her body moved against his. He could feel it in the strength of her nails against his back, in her feverish kisses on her lips and jaw.

"Fuck, Emma…"

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing her scent, tasting her skin. She was his. She was finally his and this late realization almost made him fall over the edge. But he couldn't let it go like his. He needed her to.

"Come for me. Come for me, love."

And it was as something inside them snapped suddenly. Her body shuddered against his and his name was once again on her lips. She fell and he followed her without a second thought, welcoming the rush that flowed into his veins, into his entire being. It was amazing and unlike the day before she was now really in his arms.

"I love you."

And he did so completely that it terrified him.

"I love you Emma. God I love you."

His voice was filled with emotions as he looked into her eyes. He was scared and thrilled. She was in his arms but were these words too soon? He relaxed when she gently kissed him and he fell once again into her. Their tongues battled for dominance but it was a slow and tender fight filled with love.

Here in the aftermath of their passion he felt complete and happier than ever.

She didn't return the words but it didn't matter. One day she would be ready to say it and for now he could only hold her tight, breathing loving words in her ear.

She was with him, lying on his bed, their legs entwined, their bodies covered by a thin veil of sweat. It was messy and quiet but it was perfect.

The night captured them soon enough as the room fell into the darkness. Their breathing slowed and still tangled into each other they fell into a calm sleep. Only this time Killian's dreams didn't hurt as much. Because he knew she wouldn't disappear when the day would come. She would be in his arms, waking up beside him. And it would be everything he has ever wished for. A smile slowly appeared on his face as he tightened his hold around her.

The shadow in the back of his mind was still here but it brought him joy and content.

This shadow, this thought, it was her. And she was his.

Finally.

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FIN

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(And, as we would say in French : voilà voilà)  
I really hope you liked it. Please tell me what you think of this.


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